Doctor doctor, I keep poking holes in my campervan...
Posted: 04 Sep 2014, 12:04
Doctor, it all started when I bought a campervan.
I could see a little bit of rust on the body work, through a chip in the paint. So I did what any grown up kid would do, I poked it with a screwdriver. The paint flicked off reassuringly and I could see some rust underneath. I painted it with Vatcan and the it turned a lovely shade of black. From that point on I was hooked. Every weekend I'd be out there with a penknife and small screwdriver, a little poke here, a prod there, and then every so often you'd hit the jackpot, the burnt umber nectar of rust. I'd delight in getting that vactan out for my fix of black. Once opened, I'd then prowl the undersides of the van looking for any other spots which I could touch. I started to love the whole routine, the preparation, the overalls, I started to appreciate what transvestites feel like.
But it's started to take over my life. Every spare second I'm out there, poking here and there. I lie awake at night trying to think of places I haven't yet checked for rust, dreaming of the day when I finally drop the tank. My wife's getting suspicious, I keep 'disappearing', and moving about the house furtively. "Have you been looking at that van again?". I try and deny it but the truth is, i've been rolling around the drive on my back, headtorch on, scouring the wheel arches for rust, like a pig in muc.
Things have got serious now though. I've even taken days of work, removed the wheels so I can get my head right into the wheel arch, and the final straw. I bought a dremel, so I can take on the seams. I've hidden it in the shed so no-one finds out, but I got it out today and it ripped through that old seam sealer and torn into the rusty seems. I went on and on for hours, the high pitched mechanical whirr keeping me company whilst filler and rust enveloped me in a cloud of dust.
I keep telling myself it's good for the van, it's better that we find it and deal with it, but the van is starting to show the effects. Just yesterday I poked a big hole in the drivers cab step and 4 in the lower drivers door lip. There's already a big hole just in front of the nearside rear wheel arch, and all of the window lips look like swiss cheese. Just now I took the rear wheel off and punched a fist size hole in the upper outside corner of the rear offside wheel arch, just underneath that hot air intake black box.
I can't go on like this Doctor, what should I do ??
I could see a little bit of rust on the body work, through a chip in the paint. So I did what any grown up kid would do, I poked it with a screwdriver. The paint flicked off reassuringly and I could see some rust underneath. I painted it with Vatcan and the it turned a lovely shade of black. From that point on I was hooked. Every weekend I'd be out there with a penknife and small screwdriver, a little poke here, a prod there, and then every so often you'd hit the jackpot, the burnt umber nectar of rust. I'd delight in getting that vactan out for my fix of black. Once opened, I'd then prowl the undersides of the van looking for any other spots which I could touch. I started to love the whole routine, the preparation, the overalls, I started to appreciate what transvestites feel like.
But it's started to take over my life. Every spare second I'm out there, poking here and there. I lie awake at night trying to think of places I haven't yet checked for rust, dreaming of the day when I finally drop the tank. My wife's getting suspicious, I keep 'disappearing', and moving about the house furtively. "Have you been looking at that van again?". I try and deny it but the truth is, i've been rolling around the drive on my back, headtorch on, scouring the wheel arches for rust, like a pig in muc.
Things have got serious now though. I've even taken days of work, removed the wheels so I can get my head right into the wheel arch, and the final straw. I bought a dremel, so I can take on the seams. I've hidden it in the shed so no-one finds out, but I got it out today and it ripped through that old seam sealer and torn into the rusty seems. I went on and on for hours, the high pitched mechanical whirr keeping me company whilst filler and rust enveloped me in a cloud of dust.
I keep telling myself it's good for the van, it's better that we find it and deal with it, but the van is starting to show the effects. Just yesterday I poked a big hole in the drivers cab step and 4 in the lower drivers door lip. There's already a big hole just in front of the nearside rear wheel arch, and all of the window lips look like swiss cheese. Just now I took the rear wheel off and punched a fist size hole in the upper outside corner of the rear offside wheel arch, just underneath that hot air intake black box.
I can't go on like this Doctor, what should I do ??
